As it turns out, there is far less friction on an ice rink than there is on a baseball field. Just ask Daniel Santorium, 18, a Freshman student studying pre-law at Boston College. After learning of the courageous Philadelphia Phillies baseball fan who was brutally tased by security after running out on the field at Citizens Bank Park Monday night, Mr. Santorium showed his Flyers loyalty and did just the same at the Boston’s TD Garden, home of the Boston Bruins hockey team.

With the hopes of frolicking around the ice and evading security before being heroically taken down by 50,000 volts of electricity, Mr. Santorium climbed over the railing where the Flyers entered the ice before the third period of play at Monday’s matchup against the Bruins and made his way on the ice while both teams were warming up.

Mere seconds after high-stepping his way across the goal line while waving a white towel, Mr. Santorium anti-climatically slipped backwards and struck the back of his head on the ice surface. Due to a concussion (and fractured tail bone), he may never even remember his daring display of sports fan martyrdom. Most unfortunate however, Mr. Santorium was never tasered by security before a jeering and masochistic crowd of 25,000 people and millions of YouTube viewers.

(image via pinstripebindi.wordpress.com/)

Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) was a client of a high-end gigolo ring broken up last week by federal authorities, according to It’s So True. An outspoken critic who recently said that she “under no certain circumstances” would give the government “control over her body” or her “health care decisions” is facing a scandal that may soon unveil vivid details concerning her body to the entire world. This development threatens to end her career and possibly dismantle the G.O.P.’s chances in the 2010 elections.

It’s So True’s nifty wiretap captured a woman identified as “Client 5″ on a cellphone conversation confirming plans to have a man fly from Los Angeles to Washington, where she had booked a hotel room, according to an affidavit filed in federal court in Los Angeles.

While critics of Bachmann will consider this development a travesty, die-hard Bachmann supporters will spin this as yet another female, high-profile politician succumbing to the pressures of stressful political life by means of sexual exploitation.

One of our reporters, coincidentally client number 6 of the same high-end gigolo ring, sensed something suspicious when she noticed Ms. Bachmann briskly walking out of the same hotel room in Washington as a topless callboy she recognized waved goodbye while holding a stack of one-hundred dollar bills. After further investigation and wiretaps, it became clear from documents that Ms.Bachmann was, indeed, client number 5. While journalists and political scientists may argue endlessly over the respectability of this number, it is more satisfactory than client number 9, as former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer would likely attest.

Sources say that Ms. Bachmann will hold a press conference tomorrow afternoon. Various friends and sources say her husband plans to stand directly adjacent to her as she apologizes to Minnesota and the Republican party.

Stay tuned to It’s So True for more details.

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