Cliff Dubinsky, a Junior Econ major at Columbia University, may have discovered a temporary solution to his writing woes, and it involves the word “myriad.”

“It’s just a fancy way of saying a ‘whole lot’ … like a whole bunch of different things,” he explained to It’s So True on a recent break from class. “It’s a powerful way of showing that there’s variety.”

Cliff, 21, excels in mathematics, but has long struggled to express himself via the written word. Often using boring language such as “things,” “stuff” and “a lot” in essays for classes that require him to write, Cliff now replaces these cop out-words and phrases with a simple, yet effective, “myriad.”

After skimming a column by sportswriter Bill Simmons on ESPN.com last week, Cliff decided that it was a “smart sounding word” and began using it to impress others.

It’s So True was able to steal one of Cliff’s essays from his humanities mini course, Pre-Vietnam U.S. Wars: Blasts from the Past. The following is an excerpt:

I believe there are a myriad of causes for the French and Indian War. You know this because the British and the French wanted the myriad territories between the Appalachian Mountains and the Mississippi River. We now know myriad Native Americans tribes also played a key role, and was something in this war you all, and even I, often forgot.

By some stroke of luck — or perhaps just shitty English teachers — Cliff excelled all the way through high school hiding the fact that he could not complete a clear sentence. He says he would one day like to work on Wall Street after all of the “myriad financial problems” are taken care of and “everyone is hiring again.”

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Justin Monroe trusted his older buddy and mentor, Phillip Augustine, very very much. Despite only being childhood neighbors, they maintained a big bro-little bro relationship and eventually ended up in the same city — New York.

Phillip, 28, is now a corporate insurance attorney and Justin, 24, recently finished up for his Bar Exam classes after graduating from New York University Law School. A smart young man.

The night prior to the infamous Bar Exam Justin tapped into Philip for some inside, brotherly advice.

“Hit the sack hard, bro — probably before 9pm, ” Phillip advised Justin. “I would … so you can wake up refreshed for your big exam. Sleep is important.”

Justin took Phillip’s counsel, and the night before the big exam, he remembered his advice.

“I took down my boxers and began to hit my sack lightly,” said Justin recalling the night. “I wanted to use Phillip’s suggestion wisely, and I was already pushing 9 pm — his advice was to ‘hit it’ before then. But the problem was, I didn’t really know how much force I should use in hitting my sack. I’d never done it, well, at all really.”

The importance of the Bar exam — for which Justin studied endlessly for — was not something he was just going to take lightly.

“At the time I decided ‘this is ridiculous — this is the BAR EXAM. I’m taking no shortcuts,’ ” Justin told us in a recent interview at NYU Hospital, his bottom half covered entirely by thick hospital sheets. Despite the immense lower abdomen pain Justin says he began smacking his scrotum that night “swiftly, and with force” … WHACK … WHACK … WHACK …”

We were able to catch up with Justin before he was released from NYU Hospital diagnosed with severe scrotum swelling.

The next Bar Exam is in 2010, so he will have to wait for his admittance another year.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have hit the sack so hard,” he said.

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Before leaving to meet a couple ladies uptown for drinks and dinner last Friday evening, James Navauro asked his buddy Eric to “give him a few minutes” so he could “quickly jump into the shower.”

But the much anticipated double-date never went down that night as James spent the entire evening in the emergency room signing forms and taking x-rays (with Eric at his side).

After hearing an unfamiliar ruckus from inside the bathroom — a loud thump, crashing bottles of shampoo, soap, and a string of curse words — Eric reportedly felt a “sinking feeling in his stomach.” Responding immediately to the noise, Eric pummeled his shoulder through the bathroom door and found James sprawled out naked in the tub, writhing in pain.

It’s So True recently caught up with James, who was frazzled after sustaining several broken ribs, a fractured wrist, and mild concussion after his jump.

“It’s unfortunate,” he said while lying supine on his couch in a full arm cast. “I told Eric that I would ‘jump in the shower real quick,’ but there was no traction whatsoever after I made the leap.”

James says that “without really thinking” he ripped open the shower curtain, bent his knees slightly, and then launched himself over the edge of the tub, without using his hands for extra support. He allegedly cleared the rim of the tub just fine, but upon landing he slipped sideways, knocking a bottle of Suave shampoo and two bars of Lever 2000 soap on his way down.

“I just remember breaking into the bathroom and seeing him in pain, cursing loudly,” said Eric during a recent interview. “He was a naked, curled-up mess…”


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