Nine weeks and 23 hours after the trailer of the highly anticipated film, Bruno, spread like wildfire across video sharing sites around the world, Phillip Whitehorse, 23, decided it was his responsibility to share the news as if it were piping hot off the press.

“It seemed so fresh, I just wanted everyone to know,” he said. “It was one of those unique moments a citizen journalist gets.”

So Phillip sent the link of a Bruno movie trailer — one that had already received over two million hits on YouTube — to approximately 75 percent of his Gmail contacts.

Can you believe he’s at it again!!!! read the subject heading.

“Yeah, I was at work and felt my BlackBerry buzz, so I checked my non-work email for a quick mental break,” said Phillip’s friend Horace. “Unfortunately I was directed to a link of a rather old news story — the star of Borat had put out another film called Bruno. No shit. I think that’s the last time I’ll open an email from Phillip, but … like … what if one day he has something worth my time?”

Phillip, an apparent stranger to the 24-hour news cycle, was initially proud of his email; but upon receiving only two curt email responses both of which used the word “asshole,” and both asking why he was wasting their time, he came to a harsh realization.

“In this Internet Age, ” said Phillip, “people want to discover their own news and they get jealous, almost defensive if they don’t get the story first. Journalism is dying, I’m just trying to keep it alive.”

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Although it was requested It's So True not release his picture, we will anyway. A shot of the fedora, iPod, and shades as he stares at his reflection in a shop window

He walks swiftly in his fedora and shades, listening to his iPod on full blast. He relates the rap lyrics of Jay-Z’s “Murdergram” to his suburban upbringing, and suddenly understands every verse. He makes believe — but his fictional character somehow feels real to him. He is in a biopic, and the film stars him.

Today he doesn’t heed anyone — not even the attractive woman who passes him by in a tizzy. He stares straight ahead on his brisk walk to the Apple store for a new pair of earphones, pausing at shop windows not to check out any watches on sale, cupcakes in the window, or puppies frolicking in their cages — but to check on the perfection of his reflection in the tinted shop windows of the East Village.

After following Mike Manchester, 25, for a half hour as he checked himself out in various shop windows, It’s So True ambushed him. We asked why he insisted on peeking at his reflection.

“Ya, so what,” Manchester told us while peering into the nearby side view mirror of an SUV.

“I’ve been periodically looking at myself in store windows for the past half hour or so, you’re right — I’m in The Zone today, and I think I look really good. Frankly, it’s hard to believe that when I see my reflection it’s actually me … that’s how I look walking down the street … other people see me just as I see my reflection.”

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The actual bottle Sanchez opened -- pictured mere moments after he placed it under his seat to avoid further shame (image via John_a_ross/flickr)

On Monday morning Eddie Sanchez purchased a 20 oz bottle of Coca Cola Classic knowing full well that without caffeine he’d fall asleep during the painfully boring “Meet The Grant Makers” conference. So when Sanchez, a Community Outreach Associate, began drifting off to sleep in the middle of the Director of Health and Human Service’s spiel, he decided he needed a liquid jolt.

But this was no ordinary bottle opening situation — he was sitting in a large quiet auditorium with approximately 50 other individuals, and did not want to twist his bottle open and interrupt the speaker with a noisy release of fizz and CO2.

So Sanchez employed a tactic that is widely used, but has never actually proven to be effective: The Short Spurt Bottle Opening Method.

When the Assistant Director of HHS began outlining the government agency’s grant funding, Sanchez began to slowly, but surreptitiously, twist his Coke cap in short spurts. He did this in several barely audible twists lasting only 2.5 seconds each in order to avoid his fear of “one startling loud and sustained noise.”

The following is an excerpt of the transcript during the Assistant Director’s remarks:

“We are now distributing funds for a community block grant in the amount of … TSSSST… $5 milllion dollars over the course of three years. We are looking for community … TSSSST… community … TSSSST … community … TSSSST … collaboration, and will not accept … TSSST … TSSSST… Ok. Ok. Ok. Open the damn drink already so I can go on. Just ff ffuc just quit it.”

Sanchez was unfortunately unable to open his drink until the Assistant Director later cracked a lame “there will be no bailouts here” joke that earned her a few halfhearted laughs.

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