Williamsburg resident Dan Doogin can’t clap his hands in rhythm; he also can’t whistle a tune or hum a melody without eliciting anger. So how exactly is he the lead singer of a popular indie band on the last leg of a nationwide epic tour?

He’s actually not. He just dresses the part of a mildly successful indie singer who has been living in and out of a van for 6 months.

“I’m too busy thinking about music to really worry about how I look,” says Doogin who went on to discuss the ‘Hipster License.’

“When it comes to music, I may not be in a band, but I have listened to enough music and gone to enough shows to be able to dress and act like I am a weathered music man. That’s what a Hipster License is.”

Did you know that every 20 seconds a new mediocre piece of art is created commemorating Bob Dylan? Well this week a new marking point was reached — the 900 millionth artistic homage was released honoring his brilliant career. But Dylan himself isn’t flattered.

When Dylan caught wind of the newest artistic endeavor depicting him on shower curtains, toilet seats and bathmats, he was forced to hold a press conference.

“This is f–ing ridiculous,” said Dylan. “Did my lawyer really approve this?! Why do cliché photographers, untrained musicians, and t-shirt designers love me so damn much? Find a new subject to commemorate with your mediocre art,” he mumbled between puffs of a cigarette. “Or better yet, just save it until I’m actually dead,” he continued. ” But I’m NOT dead — in fact I have a new album.”

New York City-based visual artist Kathy McForleen, during a recent interview in her Greenpoint, Brooklyn apartment, called her new work the “quintessential Dylan in his early years.”

“What I’ve done with Bobby [she's never met Mr. Dylan] is created shower curtains, toilet seats, and bathmats with profiles of his face when he was in his twenties,” she said proudly displaying the various pieces of art she hopes will earn her unprecedented fame and exposure. “But I did it all in black and white!”

McForleen is convinced that fans of Dylan will want to see his various profiles while in their washrooms. She also believes that Dylan and her are artistic soul mates.

“Bobby and I — both ferociously innovative and geniuses in our own right — have some inner connection,” she claimed. “And I finally expressed it visually this time. The world needs this new early Dylan art — it was a long time coming”

-js